Is there any particular reason WHY the midnight shift can't just do their job??? Oh yes, I forgot... Ghetto Fabulous is the shift supervisor!!!!

So Medic 2 doesn't have mobile CAD, meaning we, in dispatch, have to update their status and everything they do... its really not hard, just a couple of key strokes... seriously.. to put them back at the station is literally the following powerline code : STA SZM2

DONE!!!!!! Whew! I may have burned a whole calorie!

And I swear on all that is holy I will junk punch her one day for putting EMS "Out at the crib"... That is so SO unprofessional! Not to mention that it DRIVES.ME.NUTS!!!!!!!!!!

She's not the brightest crayon in the box. But she is the most ghetto.

Now, the rest of her shift?? Yeah, they are some doozies too!

Here is a list and description of the idiots.. oops.. I mean my fellow coworkers...

Ghetto Fabulous - The leader of the idiots, thinks she's straight up out the projects. Fails to see the need to speak proper english. And only got the supervisor position because 3 other people turned it down.

The Rug - Well, the name says it all... most of it anyhow... He wears a toupee, a bad one. And absolutely refuses to move forward with the times. He still tries to write down all of the 911 call info on paper and then transfers it on his time in to the computer. Someone is going to get hurt before he's made to do it correctly.

Sparky - Wears her clothes about 5 sizes too small... her camel toe has turned in to moose knuckle! Gross, I know, but true. None of us are certain that she takes a shower on more than a weekly basis, judging by her nappy ratty hair. This dumb ass actually shocked herself plugging in her phone charger here in dispatch, and felt she needed to be evaluated, treated and transported by EMS!!!! DRAMA!!!! Well we have EMD, which requires us to ask certain questions... so this incident gets put out to EMS as.... wait for it.... an ELECTROCUTION!!!! I shit you not.... hand to God...

Shadow - Great guy, great sense of humor, functioning brain cells... can't say much about Shadow except that he is currently being ruined by Ghetto and crew... Every morning I come in I see a little more of their ridiculous behavior in him... and it's disappointing.

When 4 year olds attack....

Seriously, the thinking process of my kids blows me away.... They are WAY to smart for my own good.

I send the kids to their bedroom to clean it up.

About 5 minutes goes by and the following conversation ensues....

AJ : Mom!!! Come here please?? We need to talk...

Me: (thinking whatever he has to say can NOT be good...) Hold on, I'm on my way...

( I find my child standing in his doorway... pictured above)

AJ: Mom, I just really don't feel like cleaning my room today.

Me: Tough cookies, clean it up... Now... It was not a request.

AJ: Why do I need to CLEAN it, when I'm just going to PLAY in it again??? Huh???

(not sure where he gets his sass from...)

Take a breath, it wasn't THAT funny! Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not???

ok... here we go...

Me: AJ, just clean you room... now...

AJ: Im just gonna play with my toys again when I'm done, and then the room will be dirty again, so WHY do I have to clean it???

Me: Because I don't feel like SWIMMING through your toys to get to your bed in the middle of the night when you wake up calling for me.... CLEAN.YOUR.ROOM!

He then looks at me like he's deep in thought, cocks his head to the side and says

Mom, you can't swim in here... there isn't any water....

Aj -1

Mom - 0

Consequently.... he cleaned his room... but not without first applying for the captain of the debate team at harvard... I swear he needs to go to law school...

Gonna be working in another city on Monday

Just for the day, but it will still be odd... My boss and I are going to be working in dispatch in one of our "sister cities" due to a funeral that the whole department wants to attend. One of their detectives committed suicide by hanging on Tuesday, so they are all taking it pretty rough. He hung himself and his wife found him... not cool dude... not cool.

I'm finding I'm not good...

...at keeping up with blogging... I read all the time, seriously, if I don't have my attention on a computer, it's usually stuffed in to a book... I've been accused of "inhaling" my reading material... I really do need to keep up with this blog... If you haven't noticed, this is going to be a pretty random post... I'm just gonna lay down thoughts running through my head... is it bad that I want to live in a house with just me, my husband, and my kids... no in-laws, and definitely not his stinky ass dogs... I'm tired of them... ALL OF THEM... my back yard is filled with dog shit and stinks. They have ruined the grass. And my kids cant play back there...

My new favorite show this season.. Harry's law... LOVE IT!!!! LOVE Kathy Bates... She's awesome, crass, abrasive, blunt, honest, brutal, sneaky, smart. Just my type of role model!! LOL!

The rest of the crew is pretty awesome too! I've pretty much decided that IF in the event I need a lawyer... I'd want Adam (Nathan Corddry) to do the opening arguments... And Harry to do the closing.. pretty sure that I'd get off scot free... regardless of what I did!! LOL

Dancing with the stars... Hines Ward is HAWT!!! LOL and Chirsty Ally is HILARIOUS!!!

I've started couponing... maybe I can get good enough to be one of those "extreme couponers", I did really good this past weekend... spent $35 at CVS, including picking up a Rx for the FIL, and saved $75! How awesome is that?? Then I saved another $46 at Wal-mart! If I can get my damn printer working correctly I can print some coupons from home that will save me even MORE $...

I'm reading "Listen" by Rene Gutteridge today... I say today because my friends will attest to the fact that there is a very real possibility that I will be done by tonight... lol

Anyhow... here is the overview of the book...

Marlo is normally a quiet, peaceful town. Yet recently a website has popped up called Listentoyourself and it contains residents of Marlo’s most private conversations… conversations that were held in the privacy of their homes with people they trusted. Soon accusations are flying and the local police force has its hands full trying to sort it all out.

Damien Underwood has been a journalist most of his life. He has been the creator of the Marlo Sentinal’s crossword puzzle until as of recent he has been offered a chance to do a bit of reporting as well. Damien along with his best friend Police Officer Frank Merrit are surprised by the sudden popularity of this website that is ripping the town apart.

And Damien has his own home to be concerned with as well, his wife Kay is struggling to fit in with the Cheer Mom’s, his daughter Jenna, normally sweet and easy-going has become sullen and in trouble at school for hitting another girl, his son Hunter is spending too much time in his room on the computer and Damien is concerned with what he may be looking at.

I'm only on chapter 4... but hey, I just started the book this morning!! I will post more about the book later...

TTFN

It's Been A While......

hmmm.... its been a while, sorry. Lots going on. A husband that is bi-polar.... a 14 year old step son (need I say more)... the 2 little ones, 5 dogs, a father in-law..... that's just what I have to deal with at home!!!!

At work?? You wanna know what's going on there???? HA!!!

This is my shift....

Coconut - is in whatever mood everyone else is in, overly dramatic, always sick, with a kid that's always sick.

Dispatch Diva - well, in HER universe the world just revolves around her and she shoots sunshine out of her ass.... yeah, not so much.

NN - she's the nice one, with a husband like mine... bless her heart.

and then there is me...

We've had our little dispatch world completely turned upside down. A new CAD system and construction that will make our Comm center larger. This is really starting to show peoples faults... and this shit is funny!!!!

Coconut can't do Pro QA to save her life, let alone anyone elses....

Diva just sucks, period, nothing further to add here.... ok, maybe just this...

Dear Diva,

I know you think because you have been here longer than anyone on this shift that you are just the best thing to hit this Comm Center, well... guess what sister... YOU.ARE.WRONG!!!! I can run circles around you and your shitty dispatching, you wanna know why we keep stepping on your toes and you "just aren't given the opportunity to learn and do it" yourself?? Because by the time you get it done everyone will already be on scene and we are TIRED of waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and get shit done!!!!!

THAT is all.

Stupid Questions...

stupid kid that was arrested for shooting his girlfriend with a paintball gun and then beating her ass.... "Will this ruin my chances at getting in to the Police Academy?"

Seriously? Really??

When your 2 y/o tells you he has to pee....

he means it!

I had gotten the boys put down to bed and was doing my evening "mommy chores".... ie cleaning dinner dishes, cleaning up the destruction in my living room...

AJ called me from his bedroom, "Mooooooooom, I gotta paaawwwwttttttyyyyyyy!!!"

me - "ok baby, gimme just a minute, I'll be right there!"

I finished doing whatever I happened to be doing at that moment and walked in to his room, to find him stand BUTT NEKKED on the top bunk... as I stepped thru the door, I notice a LARGE puddle on the floor, thinking maybe that he had launched his sippy cup, then remembering he.was.NEKKED!!!!

Conversation is as follows....

me - AJ.... did you pee on the floor???

aj (with much satisfaction) - YUP!

me - WHY?????

aj ( with his head cocked to the side and a "DUH" expression on his face ) - Momma, I told you I had to pee.... you didn't come get me fast!!!!!!

- slight pause -

Mom.. I forgot!!! I HAVE TO POOP!!!!!!!

LMFAO -----

Things I have learned as a mother of a two y/o boy

Hot Wheels cars and basketball bathtub toys DO not fit down the toilet....

My husband called me at work to let me know that our guest bathroom toilet was stopped up... I have a 2 y/o and a 1 y/o son that I'm now thinking either one of them has surely put something in the toilet. naturally, I told him to go get the plunger and give that a try...

no luck.

I got home from work and hubby was still plunging away (3 hours later), you'd think that he would've given up by now ( I would have ).

Knowing what kind of answer I was probably going to get, I STILL decided to ask my son "AJ, did you put anything in the potty?"

2 y/o
-- "Yeah mommy, I go potty in the big boy toilet!"

Me
-- "No baby, did you put a toy in the potty?"

2 y/o
--"Oh! Yeah, my basketball!"

Oh shit.... Now I start counting bath toys... all fish toys are present and accounted for, one red basket ball... check one green basketball... check yellow basketball.... MIA

I'm gonna kill him now.... Deep breath Christy... Deep breath....

By now I have called a plumber and scheduled them to come out and take a look and give me an idea of how much this was going to cost to fix... Apparently, it costs over $150 to auger a childs toy out of a toilet... I'm thinking "Fuck you!", but opt out for the much less offensive "Ok, well, thanks anyhow... but I can go BUY an auger for $10 at Lowe's and do the rest myself" (nice of me, huh? )

So, an hour later and $50 spent at Lowe's, because apparently my hubby and I are incapable of only purchasing what we CAME FOR, we are back at home... to find the toilet bowl filled back up to the brim....WTH???

Hubby to my Father In Law...

"Hey, Papa??? Did you pour something in to the toilet???"

Papa...

"Yeah, soap and water and denture cleaner."

Hubby...

"Any particular reason WHY???"

Papa...

"Well, I wanted to see if I could flush out the toy.... " (this is said with MUCH sarcasm)


So, cussing under his breath and trying not to say anything shitty to my Father in Law (no pun intended here... heeheehee), my hubby gets down to augering.... after about an hour of struggling with the damn thing, he gets frustrated and decides to jam it down the toilet as hard as he can, thinking he will dislodge the toy.... yeah, not so much.

The auger snapped... aaauuuggghhh!!!!!!

So, after multiple phone calls to other parents of little boys, my husbands best friend (who happens to be a handy man) and another relative that worked as a plumber for some time. We have goten the same advice from all of them... take the toilet away from the wall and release the toy that way... I'm not looking forward to THIS adventure.

Back to Lowe's.

One wax ring, 4 bolts, washers and nuts later.... we have drained the toilet (yes, this includes the water in the tank) and made sure that the water was turned off. My husband removes the toilet (I sooooooo didn't realize how heavy the porcelain throne was) and carries it outside. We tip it over, and sure enough.... there is my 2 y/o sons bath toy... Hubby pops it out of the pipe, to which my son responds..... "Yayyyyyy DADDY!!!! You Win!!!!!!"

Dear General Public,

PAY YOUR BILLS!!!!!! This is not a hard concept!! You want water?? You pay your bill!! I'm sorry that the meter tech comming out to turn your water off is inconvenient for you, and I'm sorry that you "just don't have the additional $70 to have it turned back on tonight" ... but, no, they will not "just make an exception this once".

Dear General Public,

I understand that you are just trying to make sure that the vehicles you are passing, the ones that were just involved in a fender bender, get the proper help.... but please, look around you.... you see those 500 other people in cars around you with cell phones to THEIR ears??? They are calling 911 to report.... wait for it..... THE SAME DAMN THING!!!!!!!!!!!

And as much as I detest the neighbor down the street that lets their dog bark until 3 a.m., I DO NOT feel the need to call 911 and scream at the dispatcher that answers the phone about it. It's not MY dog!!!

Dear Officers....

Do not get attitude with ME because someone called requesting an officer at their location for something stupid!! My job as a dispatcher is to take information and pass it on to YOU!

I'm sorry that there are people in this city that cannot be a responsible parent, and I'm more sorry that these same individuals seem to think that we are here to raise their kids FOR them. However, it isn't like I have an ad in the newspaper for them to call us for assistance in making their children behave like normal human beings. I don't like the fact that they have called any more than you do!

911 is supposed to be used for EMERGENCIES!!!!

So, I thought a good way for me to vent some of my frustrations with people that call 911 would be to share there the different things they (the general public) call 911 for!!

1000 am, 07-18-09

Me: 911, Where is your emergency?

Caller: Yeah, umm, there is water comming out of my water plug.

Me: Your "water plug"?? Do you mean your meter??

Caller: Yeah, that thingy, it has water commin out.

This is how my morning is starting.....