Saturday, March 21, 2015

It's been a minute...

Hey y'all.... It's been a while... I know.  Let me explain... but bare with me, it's been a hell of a ride.

So, my marriage came to a bitter halt, mainly because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Don't get me wrong, I put up with more shit than I (or anyone else for that matter) ever needed to put up with. 

so many red flags... for 13 years I have had family and friends asking me what the HELL I am doing, staying, why?? Emotional and mental abuse, is JUST as damaging as physical abuse. It's just easier to hide. I lost myself, and for a long time I thought he had broken me. WRONG!!! I bent... A LOT... but I will not be broken. And NO ONE will bring me to my knees like that again. 

He is "Bi-Polar"... but really, that's a crutch, and he knows it. He's a narcissistic asshat! He has been spoiled and coddled his entire life, by every woman in his life. Myself included. And I paid for it. Dearly. But I took every bit of what was dished out. And I swallowed it. 

The last straw -- So, I justified most of his bullshit with "At least he has a good job, and he doesn't cheat on me..."  So much for THAT excuse.  I even tried, for a while, to justify his texting/sexting emotional infidelities with the one woman I hate most on this planet with "well, at least she's 300 miles away..." jeeezzzuuuusssss..... I'm lame.    But then he started messing around with a student (over 18) in the EMS class he was teaching... now you are just rubbing it in my face asshole... so, when I got confirmation in the form of almost 300 text msgs and pictures exchanged, I packed myself and my 2 kids in the van, and headed home to my family. 

Now??? He still thinks he's not done anything wrong. Not really. He said this is the only mistake he's made... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???????? Nope, ALL of my nopes, I'm done.  It's been a year in February that my marriage started to disintegrate for real, and May 18th will mark 1 year since I decided to take my life back.

I'm still hurt, and scared... I'm overweight, a single mother of 2, I work weekend nights... How am I going to be able to do this?? Will I ever find someone who really loves me and my kids? Am I doing right by them?? I feel like a huge inconvenience. I feel like I've let my kids down. 

But in the end?? I AM ENOUGH. And hopefully one day, I will find that unicorn I am hunting....

More later... This is enough for now.... 

PS... to my Family, My Girls, My Wifey, and My Chive family.... There is NO WAY I could've made it this far without y'all. I love you to the moon and back.