Things I have learned as a mother of a two y/o boy

Hot Wheels cars and basketball bathtub toys DO not fit down the toilet....

My husband called me at work to let me know that our guest bathroom toilet was stopped up... I have a 2 y/o and a 1 y/o son that I'm now thinking either one of them has surely put something in the toilet. naturally, I told him to go get the plunger and give that a try...

no luck.

I got home from work and hubby was still plunging away (3 hours later), you'd think that he would've given up by now ( I would have ).

Knowing what kind of answer I was probably going to get, I STILL decided to ask my son "AJ, did you put anything in the potty?"

2 y/o
-- "Yeah mommy, I go potty in the big boy toilet!"

Me
-- "No baby, did you put a toy in the potty?"

2 y/o
--"Oh! Yeah, my basketball!"

Oh shit.... Now I start counting bath toys... all fish toys are present and accounted for, one red basket ball... check one green basketball... check yellow basketball.... MIA

I'm gonna kill him now.... Deep breath Christy... Deep breath....

By now I have called a plumber and scheduled them to come out and take a look and give me an idea of how much this was going to cost to fix... Apparently, it costs over $150 to auger a childs toy out of a toilet... I'm thinking "Fuck you!", but opt out for the much less offensive "Ok, well, thanks anyhow... but I can go BUY an auger for $10 at Lowe's and do the rest myself" (nice of me, huh? )

So, an hour later and $50 spent at Lowe's, because apparently my hubby and I are incapable of only purchasing what we CAME FOR, we are back at home... to find the toilet bowl filled back up to the brim....WTH???

Hubby to my Father In Law...

"Hey, Papa??? Did you pour something in to the toilet???"

Papa...

"Yeah, soap and water and denture cleaner."

Hubby...

"Any particular reason WHY???"

Papa...

"Well, I wanted to see if I could flush out the toy.... " (this is said with MUCH sarcasm)


So, cussing under his breath and trying not to say anything shitty to my Father in Law (no pun intended here... heeheehee), my hubby gets down to augering.... after about an hour of struggling with the damn thing, he gets frustrated and decides to jam it down the toilet as hard as he can, thinking he will dislodge the toy.... yeah, not so much.

The auger snapped... aaauuuggghhh!!!!!!

So, after multiple phone calls to other parents of little boys, my husbands best friend (who happens to be a handy man) and another relative that worked as a plumber for some time. We have goten the same advice from all of them... take the toilet away from the wall and release the toy that way... I'm not looking forward to THIS adventure.

Back to Lowe's.

One wax ring, 4 bolts, washers and nuts later.... we have drained the toilet (yes, this includes the water in the tank) and made sure that the water was turned off. My husband removes the toilet (I sooooooo didn't realize how heavy the porcelain throne was) and carries it outside. We tip it over, and sure enough.... there is my 2 y/o sons bath toy... Hubby pops it out of the pipe, to which my son responds..... "Yayyyyyy DADDY!!!! You Win!!!!!!"

Dear General Public,

PAY YOUR BILLS!!!!!! This is not a hard concept!! You want water?? You pay your bill!! I'm sorry that the meter tech comming out to turn your water off is inconvenient for you, and I'm sorry that you "just don't have the additional $70 to have it turned back on tonight" ... but, no, they will not "just make an exception this once".

Dear General Public,

I understand that you are just trying to make sure that the vehicles you are passing, the ones that were just involved in a fender bender, get the proper help.... but please, look around you.... you see those 500 other people in cars around you with cell phones to THEIR ears??? They are calling 911 to report.... wait for it..... THE SAME DAMN THING!!!!!!!!!!!

And as much as I detest the neighbor down the street that lets their dog bark until 3 a.m., I DO NOT feel the need to call 911 and scream at the dispatcher that answers the phone about it. It's not MY dog!!!

Dear Officers....

Do not get attitude with ME because someone called requesting an officer at their location for something stupid!! My job as a dispatcher is to take information and pass it on to YOU!

I'm sorry that there are people in this city that cannot be a responsible parent, and I'm more sorry that these same individuals seem to think that we are here to raise their kids FOR them. However, it isn't like I have an ad in the newspaper for them to call us for assistance in making their children behave like normal human beings. I don't like the fact that they have called any more than you do!

911 is supposed to be used for EMERGENCIES!!!!

So, I thought a good way for me to vent some of my frustrations with people that call 911 would be to share there the different things they (the general public) call 911 for!!

1000 am, 07-18-09

Me: 911, Where is your emergency?

Caller: Yeah, umm, there is water comming out of my water plug.

Me: Your "water plug"?? Do you mean your meter??

Caller: Yeah, that thingy, it has water commin out.

This is how my morning is starting.....